The 9 Stages of a Dying Marriage: Signs, Causes, and Effects

Marriage is a beautiful and fulfilling union between two people. However, not all marriages last forever. Some marriages go through a gradual decline that leads to a sad end. In this blog post, we will explore the nine stages of a dying marriage, their signs, causes, and effects. Here is a breakdown of the nine stages.

• Stage 1: Loss of Intimacy
• Stage 2: Growing Apart
• Stage 3: Resentment and Blame
• Stage 4: Emotional Disengagement
• Stage 5: Lack of Communication
• Stage 6: Growing Hostility
• Stage 7: Loss of Trust
• Stage 8: Separation
• Stage 9: Divorce
• Extra: How To Prevent a Dying Marriage

Stage 1: Loss of Intimacy

Signs and symptoms of this stage may include a lack of physical affection, a decrease in sexual activity, and feeling distant from your partner. You may find yourself avoiding intimate moments or making excuses to avoid being physically close. The warmth and connection you once felt during intimate moments may seem like a distant memory.

There can be various causes for this stage, such as stress from work, family issues, or simply being too busy with daily life. However, it is essential to recognise that physical intimacy is a crucial part of any healthy relationship, and ignoring it can lead to further issues down the line.

The effects of this stage on the marriage can be significant. The lack of physical intimacy can cause partners to feel unloved, unwanted, and neglected. It can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and resentment. The emotional distance that results can create a rift in the relationship that may be difficult to repair.

It is essential to address this stage early on to prevent it from progressing further. Couples should make an effort to prioritise physical intimacy in their relationship, even if it means setting aside time for it. Effective communication is crucial in addressing any issues or concerns, and seeking professional counselling may also be beneficial. 

In short, the loss of physical intimacy is the first stage of a dying marriage, but it doesn’t have to be the end. By recognising the signs and taking action early on, couples can prevent this stage from progressing and work towards rekindling the passion and connection in their relationship.

Effects of Loss of Intimacy

The effects of the loss of intimacy can be overwhelming, leaving couples feeling unloved, unwanted, and unappreciated. The feeling of being rejected by your partner can cause immense sadness and heartbreak. It can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and disappointment. As time goes on, the lack of intimacy can wear down the foundation of the marriage, making it difficult to rebuild the emotional connection that was once there.

How to avoid this stage?

If you’re experiencing this stage in your marriage, it’s essential to take action before it’s too late. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner, express your feelings, and let them know how much they mean to you. Make an effort to spend quality time together to rebuild the connection that has been lost. Seek professional help from a counsellor or therapist if necessary, as professional guidance can help navigate through these difficult times. By addressing this issue early on, couples can avoid the adverse effects of this stage and work to strengthen their marriage.

Stage 2: Growing Apart

The second stage of a dying marriage is a painful process of growing apart. It’s a time when couples slowly begin to feel like strangers to each other, as they drift further and further apart. The signs and symptoms of this stage can be subtle at first, but they become more apparent over time. Couples may feel like they are living separate lives, and may even be more comfortable being alone than spending time with their spouse.

One of the most common causes of growing apart is a lack of quality time spent together. Busy schedules and other commitments can leave little room for spending time with your partner. When this happens, it’s easy to start living separate lives, with each person pursuing their interests and hobbies. Over time, this can lead to a lack of emotional connection, making it more difficult to relate to one another and feel close.

Other causes of growing apart can include unresolved conflicts, a lack of communication, and increasing differences between partners. When these issues go unaddressed, they can create a sense of emotional distance between partners, leading to feelings of disconnection and isolation.

Effects of Growing Apart

The effects of growing apart can be devastating to a marriage. Couples may feel like they are living with a stranger, and may even begin to question whether they are still in love with their spouse. The emotional distance between partners can make it hard to communicate and connect, leading to further feelings of loneliness and isolation. Over time, couples may find that they are growing increasingly unhappy in their marriage, which can ultimately lead to separation or divorce.

How to avoid this stage?

To avoid this stage, it’s essential to make a conscious effort to spend quality time with your spouse. Both you and your partner should make an effort to prioritise time together and find activities that you both enjoy. It’s also essential to address any unresolved conflicts or issues in the marriage, as they can contribute to feelings of emotional distance. By staying connected and communicating openly, couples can prevent the adverse effects of growing apart and strengthen their bond.

Stage 3: Resentment and Blame

The third stage of a dying marriage is marked by resentment and blame. Couples may begin to harbour negative feelings towards each other, which can quickly escalate into snide remarks and abusive behaviour. The signs and symptoms of this stage can be easily recognised, as couples become more hostile towards each other and communication breaks down.

One of the leading causes of resentment and blame is the accumulation of unresolved conflicts and unmet expectations. When couples fail to communicate effectively or address issues as they arise, they can begin to harbour grudges and feel resentful towards each other. This can lead to a breakdown in trust and respect, making it harder for couples to work through their issues.

Over time, resentment and blame can have a toxic effect on a marriage. Couples may begin to view each other in a negative light, and may even start to see their partner as the source of all their problems. This can lead to a cycle of blame and defensiveness, where couples constantly argue and fight without ever resolving their issues. Ultimately, this can lead to a breakdown in the marriage, with couples feeling like they are no longer able to communicate or connect.

Effects of Resentment and Blame

The effects of resentment and blame can be devastating to a marriage. Couples may feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells around each other, as they try to avoid triggering their partner’s negative emotions. This can lead to a breakdown in communication, making it hard to resolve conflicts or work through issues. Over time, this can erode the foundation of the marriage, leaving couples feeling disconnected and alone.

How to Avoid This

To avoid this stage, it’s essential to address issues as they arise and prevent negative emotions from building up over time. Couples should make an effort to communicate openly and honestly, even if it means having difficult conversations. It’s also important to avoid blaming each other for problems in the marriage, and instead work together to find solutions. By doing so, couples can prevent the adverse effects of resentment and blame and strengthen their bond.

Stage 4: Emotional Disengagement

Stage 3 of a dying marriage is characterised by emotional disengagement. It’s the point where couples begin to feel like they are living separate lives, with little to no emotional intimacy connecting them. The signs and symptoms of this stage can be distressing, as couples may start to feel lonely and disconnected from one another.

One of the leading causes of emotional disengagement is the loss of quality time spent together. Couples may become so caught up in their daily routines that they forget to prioritise their relationship. They may start to focus on other things, like work or a new hobby, and inadvertently neglect their partner. Over time, this can erode the emotional bond between couples, leaving them feeling like they are just going through the motions.

As emotional disengagement sets in, couples may begin to feel like they are living separate lives. They may no longer share their thoughts and feelings, and may even start to feel like they are just roommates. This can be a very distressing experience as couples begin to realise that the emotional intimacy they once shared is no longer present.

Effects of Emotional Disengagement

The effects of emotional disengagement can be very damaging to a marriage. Couples may start to feel hopeless as they struggle to connect on an emotional level. They may feel like they are trapped in a loveless marriage, and may even begin to consider separation or divorce. It can be a challenging time for couples as they navigate their way through these complex emotions.

How to Avoid This

To avoid this stage, couples must make a conscious effort to prioritise their relationship. It’s essential to make time for each other, even if it means scheduling regular date nights or weekend getaways. Couples should also make an effort to share their thoughts and feelings and to actively listen to what their partner has to say. By doing so, couples can strengthen their emotional bond and prevent the adverse effects of emotional disengagement.

Stage 5: Lack of Communication

A severe lack of communication marks stage 5 of a dying marriage. Couples may find it increasingly difficult to have open and honest conversations and may avoid discussing tough questions altogether. This can have a profoundly devastating effect on the relationship, as couples become increasingly disconnected from each other.

The signs and symptoms of poor communication can be subtle at first. Couples may start to feel like they are walking on eggshells around each other, afraid to say the wrong thing. They may also notice that they are spending less and less time talking to each other, and may start to feel like they have nothing to say. Over time, this can lead to a complete breakdown in communication, leaving couples feeling frustrated and isolated.

There are many causes of communication issues in a marriage. Sometimes, couples may have different communication styles or struggle to express their feelings effectively. Other times, past hurts or resentments may make it difficult for couples to trust each other enough to have an open and honest conversation. Whatever the cause, the effects can be devastating.

Effects of Lack of Communication

As communication breaks down, couples may start to feel like they are living separate lives. They may begin to feel lonely and disconnected from each other, and may even start to consider separation or divorce. In some cases, couples may finally tell each other what they have been holding back, only to find that it is too late to salvage the relationship.

How to Avoid This

To avoid this stage, couples need to make an effort to communicate with each other regularly. This means making time to discuss both the positive and the negative aspects, and being willing to ask and answer tough questions. Couples should also make an effort to be open and honest with each other, even if it means facing some uncomfortable truths. By doing so, couples can prevent the adverse effects of poor communication and build a stronger, healthier relationship.

Stage 6: Growing Hostility

Stage 6 of a dying marriage is marked by growing hostility between partners. This stage is often the result of a struggling marriage that has been left untreated for too long. Couples may start to feel unhappy and dissatisfied with their relationship, and may lash out at each other in anger.

The signs and symptoms of growing hostility can be hard to miss. Couples may argue more frequently, and their arguments may become more heated and intense. They may start to criticise each other’s actions and behaviours, and may even begin to insult each other. Over time, this can lead to a complete breakdown in the relationship, leaving couples feeling hopeless and alone.

There are many different causes of growing hostility in a marriage. Sometimes, couples may be incompatible and may struggle to find common ground. Other times, past hurts or betrayals may make it difficult for couples to trust each other again. In some cases, outside factors, such as stress from work or problems with friends or family, may put additional strain on the relationship.

Effects of Growing Hostility

The effects of growing hostility on a marriage can be devastating. Couples may start to feel like they are living in a constant state of conflict, unable to find any peace or happiness. They may begin to distance themselves from each other and may even consider separation or divorce.

How to Avoid This

To avoid this stage, couples need to address their problems as early as possible. This means being willing to seek help when needed and being open to making changes to improve the relationship. Couples should also make an effort to prioritise their relationship and to spend quality time together. By doing so, couples can prevent the adverse effects of growing hostility and rebuild their relationship to a healthy stage.

Stage 7: Loss of Trust

A loss of trust between partners characterises stage 7 of a dying marriage. Once trust is broken, it can be challenging to repair the damage and move forward as a couple. The signs and symptoms of this stage can be hard to miss, as couples may struggle to communicate openly and honestly with each other. They may feel like they are walking on eggshells around each other, afraid to say or do anything that could escalate the conflict.

The causes of a loss of trust in a marriage can vary widely. Sometimes, a single moment of betrayal, such as infidelity or lying, can be enough to break the trust between partners. Other times, it may be a series of more minor incidents that erode trust over time. Whatever the cause, couples need to address the issue as soon as possible, before it leads to irreparable damage.

The effects of a loss of trust on a marriage can be devastating. Couples may feel like they are living in a constant state of uncertainty, unable to rely on each other or feel secure in their relationship. They may start to withdraw emotionally or physically from each other, and may even consider taking a break or separating. In some cases, a loss of trust can be a sign that the marriage is beyond repair.

To avoid this stage, couples need to prioritise open and honest communication. This means being willing to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, even if it’s difficult or uncomfortable. Couples should also make an effort to rebuild trust if it has been broken. This may involve apologising for past mistakes, being transparent about your actions and intentions, and working together to establish healthy boundaries and expectations.

If you’re starting to see signs that your marriage may be at risk of losing trust, it’s essential to take action now. Whether that means seeking the help of a counsellor or therapist, or simply having a candid conversation with your partner, the earlier you address the issue, the better your chances of repairing the damage and moving forward as a couple. If you seek help, our expert marriage counsellor, Brad, offers a complimentary initial consultation to assist you with your marriage.

Stage 8: Separation – The Final Straw

The last stage of a dying marriage is separation, which can be an incredibly emotional and painful process for both partners. Signs of separation may include a lack of interest in spending time together, sleeping in separate rooms, and discussing the possibility of ending the marriage.

The causes of separation can be a culmination of the issues that arose in the earlier stages of the marriage. When couples fail to address the problems in the earlier stages, they often become irreparable and lead to the ultimate breakdown of the relationship.

The effects of separation are profound and can be felt by both partners. While some couples may experience relief and even happiness after separating, others may struggle with feelings of sadness, loneliness, and depression. It is important to note that separation is not always the end of the road for a relationship, but it can be a necessary step towards healing and finding a path forward.

If you are experiencing a marriage breakdown, it is crucial to take time for self-reflection and practice forgiveness for past errors. It is also essential to prioritise your well-being during this time by practising self-care and seeking support from loved ones. There is hope for those who have gone through a separation, and it is possible to rebuild and even strengthen the relationship in the later stages.

Stage 9: Divorce – The Final Stage

The final stage of a dying marriage is divorce. It is a time of immense pain and heartache, where everything that you have worked for seems to crumble before your eyes. The signs and symptoms of a dying marriage are all too apparent, and the effects on the marriage can be devastating.

The final stage of a dying marriage is divorce. It is a time of immense pain and heartache, where everything that you have worked for seems to crumble before your eyes. The signs and symptoms of a dying marriage are all too apparent, and the effects on the marriage can be devastating.

The signs and symptoms of a dying marriage are typically evident in the later stages and include a lack of communication, growing hostility, loss of trust, and emotional disengagement. Couples may also experience a range of physical and emotional symptoms, such as difficulty sleeping, weight gain or loss, anxiety, depression, and physical illness.

The causes of divorce are complex and varied, and often stem from a combination of factors. Some common causes of divorce include infidelity, financial difficulties, irreconcilable differences, and growing apart. In some cases, divorce may be the result of a long-standing pattern of abuse or neglect.

Effects on the Marriage

Divorce can have far-reaching effects on the couple, their children, and their wider family and friends. It can be a time of great emotional upheaval, where couples are forced to confront the reality of their situation and begin rebuilding their lives. The effects of divorce can also be felt in the workplace, with reduced productivity, increased absenteeism, and decreased job satisfaction all common outcomes.

Moving Forward

Although divorce is the final stage of a dying marriage, it is not the end of the road. It is essential to take time for self-reflection, practice forgiveness, and work through past errors to find a way forward. Self-care is also crucial, as it helps to build resilience and hope for the future.

Remember, divorce is a regular part of life, and while it may be painful, it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. With time, patience, and a willingness to move forward, it is possible to rediscover happiness and fulfilment.

How to prevent a dying marriage

Marriage is a sacred bond that requires constant effort, love, and commitment. However, even the strongest marriages can go through rough patches that can ultimately lead to a dying marriage. If you are experiencing any of the signs and symptoms of a dying marriage, it’s not too late to prevent it from completely breaking down. Here are some ways to avoid a dying marriage:

Communication: Open and honest communication is key to a healthy and happy marriage. Make sure to discuss your feelings, thoughts, and concerns with your partner on a regular basis. Listen actively and respectfully, without interrupting or judging. Try to find common ground and work together to compromise on a solution.

Counselling: Seeking professional help from a marriage counsellor can be a great way to prevent a struggling marriage from deteriorating. A counsellor can help you and your partner communicate more effectively, identify the root causes of your problems, and develop a plan to work through them together. Don’t be afraid to seek help when you need it.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the stages of a dying marriage can be challenging and emotionally exhausting for both partners involved. However, recognising the signs and symptoms of each stage is the first step in preventing the breakdown of a marriage. Through open and honest communication, seeking counselling when needed, and actively working to rekindle intimacy, couples can overcome the challenges and strengthen their relationship. It’s essential to recognise that a struggling marriage is a common experience, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. By practising self-reflection, forgiveness, and self-care, couples can navigate the later stages and avoid the final stage of divorce. Remember, every marriage goes through ups and downs, but it’s how we handle the challenges that truly define our relationships.

If you’re interested learn more about how to improve or save your marriage, we offer a free 45-minute consultation to help you now.