Agreements about your divorce should be made in writing and signed by both you and your soon-to-be-ex. Anything less than that means it’s not an agreement at all — it’s just wishful thinking on your part and an easy way out for your soon-to-be-ex, who can deny any verbal agreement later on if it’s convenient to them.

Any verbal agreements about your divorce are easily denied by the other party, especially if the other party doesn’t want to keep their word to you.

You have two sets of rules—one for her and one for you.

One partner in a marriage can end it using verbal divorce, where only one of them gets a divorce, while the other has to pretend that everything is ok until they are formally divorced. It’s unethical and unfair to you and is almost always illegal.

The exception to that rule is if there was a domestic violence incident during which one party has obtained an order of protection against you, so long as you live apart for at least 1 year.

If you want a fair settlement when you get a divorce, avoid verbal agreements with your spouse about how much alimony or child support will be paid, and stick to writing things down.

Otherwise, you could have one set of rules for her and another set of rules for yourself.

Anything can happen

If you think that agreeing to your divorce by talking to your ex and hashing out a verbal deal without anything in writing is going to hold up, think again. Anything can happen during a divorce, and your ex will do as she pleases without consulting anyone.

If you want to protect yourself and ensure that you get what you’re entitled to in terms of property division, child custody, and support (if applicable), you must write everything down – exactly as agreed upon – and sign it.

You will get hurt when you see your ex with someone new.

If your ex is seeing someone new, it hurts, emotionally and physically. When you have children together, those feelings are magnified. It’s possible to move past your pain and get on with your life if you focus on being proactive rather than reactive.

You can’t force your ex to stop dating or not let their new partner spend time with your kids. However, you can take steps to promote a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex.

Read more: The Untold Story of Losing Your Home or Identity to Your Divorce.

Boundaries are made to be pushed.

It doesn’t matter how much you or your ex-spouse agreed to; if it isn’t in writing, then it never happened. In a divorce, even with separate agreements in place, they are not binding.

If there is ever a dispute and your former spouse says that the agreement never existed or that you had agreed differently, only then will those verbal agreements come back to haunt you.

Even if both parties agree on an issue verbally, nothing can be considered legally binding.