Are you making any of these BIG behavioral mistakes that push your wife away even further?
Successful Journey to Reattracting Partner
I want to talk to you about a client of mine from the US, he’s 38 years old and was on the brink of his Wife Claire finalizing their divorce and pushing her so far away Claire didn’t want to look at him twice anymore
When we first connected one of the things John kept repeating was“I have no idea how she can be so cold, how she can just turn off”I asked him what had happened towards the break-up and he said he was doing everything for her, being the perfect Husband,
I know from experience that perception is a fine thing when that statement is made. He went on to explain.“Claires so ungrateful, everything I do is centered around her and the kids, my whole daily routine revolves around making sure she’s happy”
I asked him what he thought led to the break-up and he’d said that he was suffering from depression and his Claire kept trying to force him to do things he didn’t want to do
“Like what,” I said…He replied…“Like always telling me to join the gym, go on a diet or get out of the house for once”
The truth is, John went to work at the office, came back and had nothing else going on in his life and that’s why he was depressed. It can happen to the best of us.
He hated his job, he wasn’t feeling fulfilled, he was putting on weight, he had no drive or motivation and wasn’t aspiring to anything better and he’d walk around the house just doing things for his Wife but never for himself.
Therefore, He used to go to the gym, he used to eat healthily and he used to go out with his buddies on Thursdays and Sundays for Golf and he’d even stopped doing that.
I asked John why he stopped doing all these things and his response was… “I was so fed up with work that it was making me tired and depressed and just lost the desire to do any of it, I wanted to rest at home with Claire and kids”
Also, I later discovered that John had an opportunity earlier to start a new role with a new company for higher pay but he didn’t do it because he didn’t like the office, he didn’t like the interviewer, he was worried he’d not fit in…
The list of excuses went on and on and John was stuck in a rut. If John wanted to save his marriage and get his wife back I knew I had to give him some tough love.
I asked John something out of the blue to make sure I got a real honest answer “How much of a different person are you now from when you and Claire got married”
“Oh completely different, I had so much drive” he replied, he went on “I was happy, energetic and…” He stopped and paused in silence and in that moment he understood that he’d played a big part in driving Claire away and in fact, he wasn’t the same man she fell in love with.
We were getting somewhere, now he’d faced the real problem, it was time to work on getting the old him back but even better than before.
Moreover, We had a lot of damage to undo, in John’s eyes it was over and he’d made it even worse by the other things he did. She’d started by telling him she needed a break, some “me time to figure things out”
John of course didn’t want that, it upset him and he acted in a weak way, asking why and not letting her have her space
This was John’s first of many mistakes in behavior that led to his wife wanting a divorce.
He showed he was weak without her and tried to stop her from getting some space and made it difficult for her to leave. Claire went from needing a break to feeling smothered and then his behavior really drove the final nails in the coffin.
While she was gone John started to go into despair, getting more depressed, constantly texting her and still not giving her space to think and miss him
He drove by his wife’s sister’s house to check on her and her sister saw him driving around the area. He was ringing and texting his sister’s cell. Also, He wasn’t eating well.
In addition, he was not sleeping well All John could think about was his wife and he’d not done anything differently, he looked even more unattractive to her now because he’d just desperately kept messaging her and asking for another chance.
In her eyes, he was acting needy, weak and beta
His behavior was what turned “I need a break” to “Please give me space to think” to “I’m sorry John,
I want a divorce and I’ve made my mind up so please don’t make this any harder than it has to be”
The impending financial doom, stress and the loss of his Wife and family was John’s worst nightmare.
I was worried and I openly admit that even for me he’d made it difficult to win his wife back but I know from experience everything is undoable! Additionally, I mean unless the divorce is through and she’s married to another guy then it’s not over and she can be won back and the marriage can be better than it ever was.
The next part of John’s story would depend on him and I’ve got to say he surprised me. I gave him the tools and guided him through the process but he did it and through these changes, we made that I’ll explain how I saw John turn into a completely different man, the man his wife Claire fell in love with
So what did we do to get him back better than ever to start the re-attraction phase?
First of all, he had to stop all unnecessary communication, blunt and to the point and only talk about things to do with the kids I made John keep track of conversations and with great difficulty, he stopped sending any messages that were not about the kids
The whole point here was to shift from being perceived as needy to make her curious as to what he was doing and why he stopped messaging and asking for her back.
Within just one week of this change, for the first time his soon to be ex Wife messaged him to ask him how he was and what he was doing, I made sure John gave short one-sentence answers like…
“Nothing much, busy with some new stuff I’m working on can’t talk right now, hope you’re well” The next change was for John to take full responsibility for his part in his wife wanting a divorce.
Once John could finally see that actually, he was the one who’d changed the most he would have to face the fact that he had to do the work to build himself back up.
We worked on getting John’s confidence and drive back, here’s what we did
The first step was rejoining the gym and so that’s what he did. He went and joined the gym and I held him accountable so he kept going. John’s self-esteem started to go up in the process and he started losing weight and gaining muscle.
See more: How to Create Shared Vision for Relationship
John was still keeping to the short replies and making sure his Wife knew he was busy when she’d make contact.
The next thing we had John do was to always act upbeat with his replies but still keep them short and to the point, I’d have him go through positive affirmations and self-esteem-building self-talk.
It was starting to work and a message came through from his Wife, who before didn’t want to talk to him at all to now texting“
What’s going on with you, you always take ages to reply”
John loves his wife and I’m very proud of him because I know this was hard but I made him ignore that message and get back later with something unrelated about the kids.
He did as I directed him even though he just wanted to comfort his Wife and tell her he loved her, but it was too early and he’d ruin it if he did.
John’s wife had started to backtrack, she was curious as to what John was doing and her level of contacting him had increased significantly but she wasnt back, she’d not come home yet and divorce was still on the card so we needed to do more.
A couple months had passed and John was fitter, looking better and feeling better so we had him do something to get out of his comfort zone
Now, this can be anything for someone else but for John, he’d always wanted to learn a martial art but put it off and this really annoyed his wife.
So that’s what he did, but something had changed in John, he was actually doing it for him more than his Wife.
The shift was taking place and that shift was what started to turn things around, John was working on himself for himself and living with purpose.
On top of that, John was doing better in work, he’d got promoted and he was filling his time with things for himself. A positive snowball effect was taking place and it was very rewarding to see John healing.
The next key area was to sustain this momentum and plan ahead for new goals and aspirations so we did just that.
Under my direction John had casually mentioned them in some conversations with his soon to be ex wife and not made a big thing about it, we needed his Wife to see he could move on and he could do well without her.
The key thing here was John started investing real energy and time into his growth and positive change and he honestly sounded different, was acting different and his Wife had noticed it, everybody noticed it. Then the message came in that showed what his wife was now feeling, her first sign of worry and jealousy“
John, it’s obvious you’ve got someone else, what’s going on”I had John calmly reply “No, I haven’t I’m just busy and working on me” I told him to not make any more contact after this and wait until his wife contacted him and she did and it was exactly what we’d planned for.
“John, can we talk, I miss you, can we just… I’d like to see you” Now John’s next move was critical, so I walked him through what to do to keep the tables firmly turned.
When John and his wife met for the afternoon I made sure John knew he had to be emotionally stable and the truth is, he was, he was doing much better because he’d made a real effort to implement what I’d been teaching him.
John did everything right Also, He was light-hearted, didn’t want to talk about anything negative or too serious and he just authentically showed that he was in a good place moving in the right direction.
He was so emotional when we spoke next, he’d said something that made me so happy for him and his Wife“
I could see the twinkle in her eye I used to see when we were first married, she was flirting with me and I honestly felt like the Man in control again”
We implemented a lot more with John which we don’t really have time for in this post but to cut a long story short…
They never got a divorce, John healed his depression, kept going to Karate classes and has gotten back to his old self and his Wife has never been happier.
John started golfing again, he goes out with his friends a lot more and in his own words; he says
“my marriage and sex life with my wife has never been better I can’t thank you enough”
Then, you’re facing divorce and you want to win back your wife then book a free call below to tell me where you’re at and I’ll be brutally honest with you and tell you if I can save your marriage or not.
I can we’ll put together a detailed plan to save your marriage and avoid all of the pain, financial burden and worry that comes with divorce. If you wish to be next – book a call below & speak to Coach Brad today.
