Are you making any of these BIG behavioural mistakes that push your wife away even further?

Successful Journey to Re-Attracting Partner

I want to talk to you about a client of mine from the US. He’s 38 years old and was on the brink of his Wife, Claire, finalising their divorce, pushing her so far away that Claire didn’t want to look at him twice anymore.

When we first connected, one of the things John kept repeating was“I have no idea how she can be so cold, how she can just turn off” I asked him what had happened towards the break-up, and he said he was doing everything for her, being the perfect Husband.

I know from experience that perception is a fine thing when that statement is made. He went on to explain.“Claire’s so ungrateful, everything I do is centred around her and the kids, my whole daily routine revolves around making sure she’s happy”

I asked him what he thought led to the break-up, and he said that he was suffering from depression, and Claire kept trying to force him to do things he didn’t want to do

“Like what,” I said…He replied…“Like always telling me to join the gym, go on a diet or get out of the house for once”

The truth is, John went to work at the office, came back and had nothing else going on in his life, and that’s why he was depressed. It can happen to the best of us.

He hated his job, wasn’t feeling fulfilled, was gaining weight, had no drive or motivation, and wasn’t aspiring to anything better. He’d walk around the house, doing things for his Wife, but never for himself.

Therefore, he used to go to the gym, eat healthily, and go out with his buddies on Thursdays and Sundays for golf; he’d even stopped doing that.

I asked John why he stopped doing all these things, and his response was… “I was so fed up with work that it was making me tired and depressed, and I just lost the desire to do any of it. I wanted to rest at home with Claire and the kids”

Additionally, I later learned that John had an earlier opportunity to start a new role with a different company for higher pay. Still, he declined it because he disliked the office, the interviewer, and was worried he wouldn’t fit in.

The list of excuses went on and on, and John was stuck in a rut. If John wanted to save his marriage and get his wife back, I knew I had to give him some tough love.

I asked John something out of the blue to make sure I got a real honest answer, “How much of a different person are you now from when you and Claire got married?”

“Oh, completely different, I had so much drive,” he replied. He went on, “I was happy, energetic and…” He stopped and paused in silence, and in that moment, he understood that he’d played a big part in driving Claire away, and in fact, he wasn’t the same man she had fallen in love with.

We were making progress; now that he’d faced the real problem, it was time to work on getting the old him back, but even better than before.

Moreover, we’d have a lot of damage to undo. In John’s eyes, it was over, and he’d made it even worse by the other things he did. She’d started by telling him she needed a break, some “me time to figure things out”

John, of course, didn’t want that; it upset him, and he acted weakly, asking why and not letting her have her space

This was John’s first of many behavioural mistakes that led to his wife wanting a divorce.

He showed he was weak without her and tried to stop her from getting some space, making it difficult for her to leave. Claire went from needing a break to feeling smothered, and then his behaviour drove the final nails in the coffin.

While she was gone, John started to go into despair, getting more depressed, constantly texting her and still not giving her space to think and miss him.

He drove by his wife’s sister’s house to check on her, and her sister saw him moving around the area. He was ringing and texting his sister’s cell. Also, He wasn’t eating well.

In addition, he was not sleeping well. All John could think about was his wife, and he hadn’t done anything differently; he looked even more unattractive to her now because he had just desperately kept messaging her and asking for another chance.

In her eyes, he was acting needy, weak and beta.

His behaviour was what turned “I need a break” to “Please give me space to think” to “I’m sorry John,

I want a divorce, and I’ve made my mind up, so please don’t make this any more complicated than it has to be”

The impending financial doom, stress and the loss of his Wife and family were John’s worst nightmares.

I was worried, and I openly admit that even for me, he’d made it difficult to win his wife back, but I know from experience that everything is undoable! Additionally, unless the divorce is finalised and she’s remarried, it’s not over; she can be won back, and the marriage can be better than it ever was.

The next part of John’s story would depend on him, and I’ve got to say he surprised me. I gave him the tools and guided him through the process, but he did it, and through these changes, we made that I’ll explain how I saw John turn into a completely different man, the man his wife Claire fell in love with

So, what did we do to get him back better than ever to start the re-attraction phase?

First of all, he had to stop all unnecessary communication, being blunt and to the point, and only talk about things related to the kids. I made John keep track of conversations, and with great difficulty, he stopped sending any messages that were not about the kids.

The whole point here was to shift from being perceived as needy, making her curious about what he was doing and why he had stopped messaging and asking for her back.

Within just one week of this change, for the first time, his soon-to-be ex-wife messaged him to ask how he was doing and what he was up to. I made sure John gave short one-sentence answers like…

“Nothing much, busy with some new stuff I’m working on, can’t talk right now, hope you’re well” The following change was for John to take full responsibility for his part in his wife wanting a divorce.

Once John could finally see that he was the one who had changed the most, he’d have to face the fact that he had to do the work to rebuild himself.

We worked on rebuilding John’s confidence and drive. Here’s what we did

The first step was rejoining the gym, and so that’s what he did. He went and joined the gym, and I held him accountable, so he continued to go. John’s self-esteem began to improve during the process, and he started losing weight while gaining muscle.

See more: How to Create a Shared Vision for a Relationship.

John was still keeping to short replies and making sure his Wife knew he was busy when she made contact.

The next thing we’d have John do is to always respond with a positive tone, while still keeping his replies concise and to the point. I’d have him go through positive affirmations and self-esteem-building self-talk.

It was starting to work, and a message came through from his Wife, who before didn’t want to talk to him at all, to now texting“

What’s going on with you? You always take ages to reply”

John loves his wife, and I’m very proud of him because I know this was hard, but I made him ignore that message and get back later with something unrelated about the kids.

He did as I directed him, even though he just wanted to comfort his Wife and tell her he loved her, but it was too early and he’d ruin it if he did.

John’s wife had started to backtrack; she was curious about what John was doing, and her level of contact with him had increased significantly. However, she hadn’t returned home yet, and divorce was still a possibility, so we needed to take further action.

A couple of months had passed, and John was fitter, looking better and feeling better, so we had him do something to get out of his comfort zone.

Now, this can be anything for someone else, but for John, he’d always wanted to learn a martial art, but had put it off, which annoyed his wife.

So that’s what he did, but something had changed in John; he was doing it for him more than his Wife.

The shift was taking place, and that shift was what started to turn things around. John was working on himself for himself and living a purposeful life.

On top of that, John was doing better at work; he’d been promoted, and he was filling his time with things for himself. A positive snowball effect was taking place, and it was gratifying to see John’s healing progress.

The next key area was to sustain this momentum and plan for new goals and aspirations, so we did just that.

Under my direction, John had casually mentioned them in some conversations with his soon-to-be ex-wife and not made a big thing about it. We needed his Wife to see that he could move on and do well without her.

The key thing here was that John started investing real energy and time into his growth and positive change, and he honestly sounded different, acted differently, and his Wife had noticed it; everybody saw it. Then the message came in that showed what his wife was now feeling, her first sign of worry and jealousy“

John, it’s obvious you’ve got someone else, what’s going on” I had John calmly reply “No, I haven’t I’m just busy and working on me” I told him to not make any more contact after this and wait until his wife contacted him and she did and it was exactly what we’d planned for.

“John, can we talk? I miss you, can we… I’d like to see you” Now, John’s next move was critical, so I walked him through what to do to keep the tables firmly turned.

When John and his wife met for the afternoon, I made sure John knew he had to be emotionally stable. The truth is, he was; he was doing much better because he’d made a real effort to implement what I’d been teaching him.

John did everything right. Also, He was light-hearted, didn’t want to talk about anything negative or too serious, and he just authentically showed that he was in a good place, moving in the right direction.

He was so emotional when we spoke next, he’d said something that made me so happy for him and his Wife“

I could see the twinkle in her eye, I used to see when we were first married, she was flirting with me, and I honestly felt like the Man in control again”

We implemented a lot more with John, which we don’t have time to cover in this post, but to cut a long story short…

They never got a divorce, John healed his depression, kept going to Karate classes and has gotten back to his old self, and his Wife has never been happier.

John started golfing again, he goes out with his friends a lot more and in his own words, he says

“My marriage and sex life with my wife have never been better. I can’t thank you enough”

Then, if you’re facing divorce and want to win back your wife, book a free call below to tell me where you stand. I’ll be brutally honest with you and let you know if I can help save your marriage.

Can we put together a detailed plan to save your marriage and avoid all of the pain, financial burden, and worry that comes with divorce? If you’d like to be next, book a call below and speak with Odyssey today.