The Pain of Breaking Up: Why Breakups Are So Hard


Breakups and divorces are some of the most emotionally challenging experiences we can go through. It’s no wonder why they are so difficult and why the pain of breaking up is so intense. Even the thought of it can cause a sense of deep sadness and emotional distress. In this blog post, we will explore why breakups and divorces are so hard, and what can be done to help you cope with the pain.

You shared everything with this person

In a relationship, marriage, or even just dating, you share a lot with the person you’re with. You tell them your secrets and feelings, your dreams and desires, and maybe even your worries and fears. You become close and bonded in a way that no one else can understand. But when it comes time for a breakup, that shared connection becomes the very thing that makes it so painful.

It can be incredibly hard to end something that you’ve worked on and invested so much into. Whether it’s a dating relationship or a marriage that you’re ending, it’s still a loss—a loss of something that once meant a lot to you. A divorce or breakup is like a death of sorts, in that it marks the end of something that had been alive and vibrant before. It takes time to process and grieve that loss, which is why breakups are often so painful and difficult.

They were a huge part of your life

Whether it was a relationship, dating, marriage, or any other situation, you had put so much into it. From late night conversations to long road trips and everything in between, your life revolved around this person. You were two peas in a pod; living each day side by side, through the good and the bad. The mere thought of having to now face the world without them is heart-wrenching. The concept of a breakup, whether it be through divorce or any other means, can bring up a multitude of emotions from fear, to anger, to sadness. A breakup can be one of the most painful experiences we go through and it’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed and confused when it comes to navigating life after it.

You invested so much time and energy into the relationship

When you’re in a long-term relationship, whether it be marriage, a committed partnership, or just a serious dating relationship, it takes an incredible amount of effort to make it work. You and your partner have to come up with compromises, build trust and understanding, and find common ground on important topics. You both have to make sacrifices and put the other person’s needs ahead of your own. This takes an incredible amount of time and energy, and you both become deeply intertwined in each other’s lives.

When the relationship ends, either through divorce or breakup, you feel like all that hard work was for nothing. You suddenly have to let go of all the time and energy you invested in the relationship and start again from scratch. It’s a difficult process filled with pain, sadness, and confusion, as you try to come to terms with the fact that something that once brought you so much joy is now gone.

And now you have to start all over again

It can be a daunting task to pick up the pieces and start fresh after going through a breakup or divorce. After having invested so much time and energy into the relationship, it can be difficult to accept that it’s over and you have to start from scratch. It can be emotionally draining to go through the process of dissolving the marriage, or even just a breakup, knowing that you will have to go back to square one.

Starting anew means that you’ll have to put effort into finding another partner, and perhaps you don’t feel as confident or as optimistic about the prospect of being in a relationship again. You may even find yourself struggling with feelings of guilt and regret for not being able to make it work out the first time around. Regardless of the situation, it’s important to remember that there are always better opportunities ahead and that you can use this as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and start anew.

The most important thing is to keep your head up and stay positive throughout the process. Allow yourself to grieve and heal but also know that it is possible to move forward and find happiness again.


Breakups are never easy and can be incredibly painful. They can cause tremendous emotional distress and often require a significant amount of time to heal. Whether you’re going through the end of a relationship, marriage, or divorce, know that it is possible to come out of it stronger and healthier. If you need additional guidance and support as you go through your breakup, please reach out to Coach Brad for help.