1.1. 17 Tips You Need to Know: Pre & Post Divorce

When going through a divorce, men need to be aware of several key factors they can expect to encounter. I wish we could make this process as smooth and easy for every single man going through a divorce on the planet. Below are the 17 Tips that I have personally put together, tricks of the trade if you will.

1. Bitterness

If you see your wife with another man, it will be hard at first. You need to separate the process of breaking up and detaching from the divorce process. Please don’t wait till your divorce is final to permit yourself to get over her.

2. Communication

Only ask questions that you need answers to. If you dig deep into your wife’s situation, whereabouts or movements, then you will be on an emotional rollercoaster that you won’t be able to control. Whatever you say to your children will eventually reach your wife, so be mindful of what they hear.

3. Presence

Decide when you need to be present during the divorce process. Do your kids have a school play that you need to attend? Yes! But this doesn’t mean you need to message your Wife for her birthday or put yourself in an awkward position at her birthday dinner where you get blindsided about her new boyfriend.

4. Control

For most men, this will be their first time going through the divorce process. If this is the case, then don’t try to control the situation as a whole. The process will take as long as it takes to transpire, most likely 24 months. Let it happen, let your lawyer do his job, let your wife look after your kids without calling every time you see something on Facebook.

5. Lifestyle

Living alone and being a single dad will be something you will need to go through mostly on your own. It’s very common for men to lead lonely lives. Look for an apartment that doesn’t make you feel sad, tired and broken. If you need to drive past your old house to work every day, then that isn’t a healthy way to detach from your old life.

6. Setting an Example

Divorce affects 50% of all families, meaning half of all families will experience this. That means if you have children, there is a good chance that one of them will need to know how to leave a bad relationship or marriage in the future. If you make this as seamless as possible and show them how to act and be during these times, then that is the best thing you can leave them with in the future. If you make it traumatising, then they will put it off and stay in bad marriages when they are older.

7. Mental Health – Personal Therapist

I wish I could give you something substantial, a magic pill that would solve this issue, but unfortunately, it will just be ongoing. The average person only knows 3-4 people, and only one of them will give them more than 30 minutes of their time. What you need is a foundation that you can look forward to dumping everything on weekly – that is the best investment.

8. Children’s Perspective

As you go through your Divorce, your children will see it differently. Perhaps they will talk to you, but chances are they won’t. Sometimes it’s better to have someone who will be a solid foundation for them over the next 24 months. It becomes impossible for two parents going through divorce to offer the emotional stability that children require.

9. Sex & Intimacy

Here’s one thing that most men will come to realise: the grass isn’t greener, and females are harder to come by. If you plan on meeting someone through a dating app, be prepared to be disappointed. It’s better to put your energy into meeting someone in the real world, becoming friends, and getting to know them, rather than trying to fill a void, feeling empty, and then leaving with some regret.

10. Get a Backbone

Don’t agree to things that you don’t agree to. If your wife has full custody and tries to get you to pick up your children last minute, then say what you feel; if you can’t, say no. You need to learn how to tell people “No,” otherwise you will be constantly pushed around, feeling used with no voice.

11. Don’t be so Moral

I have worked with men from all over the world, and something I have heard quite frequently is men discussing how they would give their partner the house and money for their children. This is wrong; don’t do things just because they are morally right. At the end of your divorce, you’ll get the short end of the stick, and it’ll take you 10 years to get back on your feet.

12. Favours will be forgotten

Let’s say your wife’s car breaks down and she asks you for money to fix it so she can drop the kids off with you; that’s not your responsibility. The amount of men going through a divorce I have worked with who would spend thousands to fix their wife’s car is astonishing. The worst part, she’ll use that same car to go off and date other men that very night – she’s happy to use your money so she can see her new man on your dime.

13. Diet

Your diet will change because you’ll now eat for convenience rather than on time, prepared, cleaned and to a certain standard. You should also avoid comfort eating, as it can become a habit if you develop a routine of stopping at a fast-food place on the way home from work for dinner. Although cooking and cleaning are the last things you want to do, consider a simple, low-carb, calorie meal that requires little preparation. I recommend getting an air fryer.

14. Mutual Friends

This is a part of the divorce you need to keep an eye on. Keep in mind that everything you do and say will be remembered by your ex. If privacy is something you’re looking for, then stay clear of mutual friends. It’s pretty common for friends of a couple to have split opinions or loyalty. I wouldn’t take my chances on this.

15. Get a Dog

Coming home to someone or something that looks forward to seeing you at the end of the day is one of the best feelings. The sad reality of any divorce is coming home to a cold, empty household. Dogs keep you busy, are great companions, cheer you up, get you out of the house and give you a chance to be social at places like the local dog park.

16. Get a Folder

You will have a multitude of paperwork, including invoices, screenshot printouts, receipts, letters, court documents, and more. It’s best to be fully transparent with the process from start to finish. If a Lawyer asks you for screenshots of her threatening you from two years ago, you need to be able to retrieve them quickly to save yourself time, money, and failure.

17. Dwelling

Telling people what you used to have and bringing it all up when you start dating again is ugly and unattractive to someone coming into your situation. If you live in the reality of split milk, then you will always find a way to get yourself back to that feeling because it’s easy to feel something. I get my clients to start saying, “If not this, then something better”.